1/24/2010

there's a girl i adore with a camera attached to her hip. She takes photos of people places and things. but they are not nouns. I'm a feeler. I write down things i feel because i hope someday someone can relate. I write on napkins and leave them on coffee tables. I write on receipts, on walls, note pads, dirt mounds, in my phone i save a note, on myspace i send a comment. or even to strangers i give them my two cents because no one ever really asks, but my aloof logic makes sense sometimes.

so yeah, i fell in love again. but i'm a bad person when it comes to one night flights. truth be told i just want one but she doesn't want me. so whats a girl to do? I could just stay home, but how else would i fulfill my need to want a be. I could stay in tact maybe focus once in a while on something important, like my job or school or my family. I don't know whats going on... Today my boss stopped me in the middle of my task and asked me "Radha, what's on your mind. Lately i noticed you are here but your mind is not" I didn't reply, i just shrugged my shoulders like IDK. But that worries me a bit because is it possible people are starting to notice my obsession with distractions? Well, it's really not an obession, and i dont have distractions. I just choose to think about other things all the time. Because really... who wants to be at work at any given time. I rather be sitting outside on the hood of my volvo watching the clouds pass by. Or reading a book or talking to my unknown.

i have something i'd like to share, i want to post it but i cant think of the right words to say what i'm trying to convey. I'll be 21 in a couple days. Totally dude. I love interpol, that band makes me smile real bad. and i'm still obsessed with soft shock. it just sucks sometimes instances have to ruin the glory of simplicity.

Duck Duck Goose

what i want:
a warm bed
no nonsense
a whim

i went out tonight. i saw an opportunity to get raw but i went home. i cannot, i will not. I have had my fairshare of indiscriminate affaris. I'm tried. I just want one at the moment. and not even for that long, maybe just long enough to do something right.
honestly what is about the life that has people losing their minds.
I purposley straddle the line between yes and no just because i like how it feels to get so out of control. I have to make the decision to be red or blue. But i like luke warm. Call it an imitators instinct to play both sides. Root of evil? No, just a researcher out of touch. like a mad scientist, i usually complete what i want in tact. except for this time i've never dealt with someone who just didnt react. maybe a taste of my own medicine? or an outlet for further distruction. Oy. either whore.