do you remember that time we sat in my car and we talked about every moon and star and that time you shedded a tear but i refused to hold you near or that time we never knew of anything else except for longing that new something new something unfamiliar and queer but i cannot say for myself. if i were to listen to this song on repeat i swear it would give me every reason to stay but as ben gibbard stated it best 'and here i rest where disappoint and regret collide laying awake at night'
but none the less this has nothing to do with anyone in particular. i'm just saying, this is how i've felt at all times with people know and unknown. to my unknown i wish we could just be strangers again. its 2:27am and i cant seem to rest my shy eyes this isnt the end but just the beginning. when i see the girl i see a longing sad soul and i cant help but be the humanitarian and say just look at me and say everything will be ok
i've never seen anyone cook a turkey in a crock pot. is that even possible? i guess, if you live by the saying anything is possible.
I was watching greys anatomy today. such a good show. and today i woke up at 6am. i almost forgot how gorgeous early mornings are. with the sky still gray and a mysterious mist protruding, my eyes, my sight is sensational. reminds me of last winter. the past lingers in my mind although i am trying very forget. not to be confused with suppress. or not even forget, just....
MOOOOVVEEEE OONNN!!!
and idle mind wreaks havoc. can you breathe? is your body sore? i adore thee brown eyes. in modest stature i stood unwilling to comply with the needs of the devil. For what i want is unlikely. this host is a realist. and i am convinced right inside my brain that there is a misunderstanding between you and i, an us, so we. such adjective makes things personal. personal? does that mean SOMEONE in particular? i know that is just what you always wanted to hear. WE US THEM THEY TOGETHER you, i.. that means YOU & I we us them they together person A and person B working in unision? its your place pal. we want us to be them like they are together. i can't wait to hear from my pen pal. darling, this is for you.
this afternoon i have a goal to steer clear. oh its so hard to breathe. i cant take a girl with a stuffy nose seriously.
i love my friends. they inspire me to be expressive. but the most important thing i have yet learned is: say what you mean mean what you say you cant be a little bit pregnant
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! oh lol jk omg totally dude. If i had a penny for every sarcastic comment i made.... i'd have 99 pennies but a bitch ain't one. ..
on a more serious note. As I was driving on the freeway to an undisclosed location today something came to me that goes a little like this.....
oh get wise my foolish heart for these people may never know the toil we undergo. Hold back your spite filled tongue and show compassion for those will eventually understand everything does happen with necessary reason. But do not mistake chance for truth because clearly, nothing is sacred in this city. May my secrets be kept between i and the trees, there are snakes in the grass and distrustful whispers in the air. Careless words spread careless thoughts that evoke careless actions that result in feud. so please, to those i love, do not live in angst or uncertainty. Because everything will be ok... for love is all accepting and unconditional, I will stay true to my word, to the best of my ability. Just say anything true. If you think im full of shit, then i think youre full of shit. =]
back to square one so I feel when i hear those words said i cant help but relive them
can you see, you dont know me? I wear a thick skin but under the leather lies some what of a weak heart, i long for the acceptance i feel i will never receive. Maybe it's something I earn, not deserve. But please do not confuse this as a cry for help I am not asking for sympathy may i ask for empathy? Not everything is the way it seems. take my life for example, what do you see when you look at me? our relationship is experiencing turbulence. And i believe it is because you are afraid to get too close. You are distrusting to the masses and weary of the known. I know though, if you were to let the guards down, this might be the most memorable ride of your life. try not to figure it out before you get there but this is surely unlike anything you've ever known. In our young lives, in your young time don't leave bewildered to the sensation.
i feel slightly peculiar today. my eye sockets are dried out my skin pale my fingers feel brittle my legs are turning to dust my mind is taking off to strange places and all i want to do is lay down on the ground any ground some ground ground breaking something something something something
....... my ears are gone my tongue has shriveled up i might have swallowed it whole i have nothing more to say but so much more to yell out loud OUT LOUD SUCH AS: I CANNOT FATHOM YOUR SIMPLE MINDED ARENA
no, thats not true. I just want this feeling to go away i feel carved out hallow left to stand in the wind i am missing the desert. i am missing my friend. i am missing the comfort. i am missing Him.
Hi, i called to let you know i was thinking about you. I dropped by unexpectedly just say hello, i love you dearly. Oh, no, no. Don't waste time just take me out of my mind I want to venture somewhere far. show the courageous leave me in awe
but damn it there i go again with the sense of entitlement i feel so needy to deserve. never mind just leave me here where i will sit and preserve. i'm leaving at sunset i will not endure this not now, not ever
As inspired by Pablo Neruda "Tonight I can write the saddest lines... And though these be the last lines that I write for her" My confession: I beg, please my mind, please forsake this woman on my mind. I left a night of all the wild and unholy to sit in my car and write this letter of despair. My fingers linger the scent of spent cigarettes, my throat is closed tight and my head is unforgiving a romance conceived in chaos must result in chaos of course any rational mind would shy away but i am hopeless selfish and abstract in behavior why is today different? You were something different. I am weak in the knees My heart beats meek... COMPLETE HONESTY it hurt me to the hear the words: [nonchalant I had no expectations] How could you mean that? I know my physical speaks otherwise, but you speak in mannerisms as well. Do you mean what you say? look at me and please tell me to go away.
Sad is the woman who refuses to live in a reality because frankly if this was all a dream then i'd rather remain asleep. Interpret that as you will but i've grown so weary to the constant uncertainty. this is not an issue of control, this is of consideration I will strike this match and may all these words turn into ash in order to follow the winds current and lie rest upon your eyes. For my uneasy self cannot speak of it out loud. You may condemn if you will but this for certain is how i feel. I am left in a naked and vulnerable state but i cannot be embarrassed because glory is what i seek and to fall short none will i ever fall Breathe easy, stay golden. this life is too short for mess. embrace what is true listen to good music neglect what is toxic and smile more i'm headed in cog. thank you for a wonderful time
