It’s true, I rather be asleep than up and at it. I’m not sad or depressed or fixed on perishing. But, my dreams are much more interesting than my wake life.

I developed this bad habit of tuning everyone out. Everywhere I go, I feel like I am being carried on a conveyor belt, drowned in my own thoughts, everything else around me is muted and all I can do it look forward. I keep my head up high but all I want to do is sleep. All I want to do is meditate, I am searching the places inside my mind where I can rest peacefully in pleasant memories. I don’t listen to people who speak to me anymore. It’s all just loud noise about how I’m supposed to be. This bothers me, I am living each day as if I have guarantee to the next. That may sound cliche, but I must start enjoying each day. Last night My father had gotten really sick, I’ve been around him for nearly months now. But seeing him partially paralyzed in bed made my shield crumble. I sat beside him and hugged him until he finally fell asleep, I explained to him my intentions on bringing him back to the US. I said, if you are too tired to fight, then you can go on, but you need to see your family first. He started crying and said, I am tired, but I want to see your mom and sister one more time.

I’m a little annoyed that the gym has to be closed for one week because of diwali. Must be my haste-ful nature of being a westerner.