Monday

I wonder, will I ever cease to wonder.

That sounds so elementary..

I have San Francisco on my mind. My body is terribly sore, I’ve started these new work outs that are proving wonderful results. Yee Pune!

So it seems I’ve been getting sick every other day lol A little feverish here, and like nauseous there… I fear some Indian food is not suiting me well. It’s a terrible thought. The more time that passes the better I feel about leaving California. There are a handful of people that are consistently on my mind. I go back and forth literally every second, I love you, I hate you, you inbred. And Then I begin to to think, maybe I am just too much in my head………………………………………………. any day now.

My uncle said to me:

it takes the better person to forgive someone who has done wrong to you. But you are a damn fool to ever trust that person again.

Hearing that is like going through withdrawls with someone I have an irrational emotional attachment too.

Today while I was riding the rick back from the gym, I passed by a cemetery. A derailed train full of thoughts ran a muck through my mind. I remember in high school when my best friends grandma died, I went to the service but did not attend the actual burial. Her and I have been friends since we were in second grade. I remember for my birthday party during the third grade I was too shy to invite any friends from school so my dad invited some classmates. The evening of my birthday party went well, there was a good turn out but towards the end my brother had done something to upset me so I went outside and started crying quietly in my brand new purple coat. That was when my best friend came outside and gave me a hug and told me not to cry, she liked my coat. After feeling comforted at safe I started to cry again because it meant so much to me she went outside to see if I was ok. So after the burial of her grandmother we went to the cemetery either the day of or the next day, her and I walked by ourselves to the site and it was such a chilling experience. It had to have been during fall because it was cold out, the sky was overcast in deep grey clouds and there was a slight breeze. We stood there and I held her hand as we wept in silence. I eventually out loud had said something along the lines of, don’t worry about your granddaughter now, I will always be her friend and together we will always look out for each other. I love you and I will miss you. There was a sudden gust of wind with a warm current and the flowers propped against the stone fell over, and another wave of silent tears came streaming down our faces